I smile sweetly
don't know why,
feign agreement, casualty of
frame and form,
lay down- and you...
I struggle to know myself, so surely
know not you.
But I try. I've tried. Why must I keep trying?
If love is a game, my strategy backfired, so I review, recall my
to see where I've miscalculated and find it's been all along.
I've over and under estimated us both, danced vapid, showed weakness at every turn.
Did I know what I was doing?
Was I drawing out, deliberately, exposing not your vulnerabilities but mine,
allotting power in some grand scheme, my ego trumping reason so that when you beat me to the
punch, I never knew what hit me?
Was I unclear about who I was,
where I belonged, to whom?
Was I tiptoeing all over lines of caution, playing with that proverbial fire, thinking I would not be
Or am I so unfinished in mind, I could not recognize your own growth implosion? Did I wrongly imagine that
your hands could fix me, get me right?
Did I lie, too?
Truth is, now, I don't suspect I discerned your colors,
blurred my own
and hoped for genius.
Do you lie now or did you then? Or rather
did you tip me off?
I fear this all but most:
I allure the worst.
That I give to get, not love
but condescension , that I might agree, take stock, confirm the liar that's lied to me from start.
Congratulations. Your triumph, my design. Your mental reservations seem
and this colorable romance, artful.
Your absence of excitability swells ironic
in timing and in plot.
equals your composure.
Your performance lacked grandeur. You alluded nothing but my skill is
such that I can translate even that.
Before your wonderful came something lovely but of that you wouldn't know. Therein, your big mistake- ignorance or arrogant assumption that there's
no back story.
There's always back story.
what keepsake should I take? That last bold denial of assertion? That I might learn that dissapointment's one thing, disrespect another? That preparing as I did for one, vain expectations blinding, ignoring counter evidence, I unprized myself?
But manifesting now, I'll expose us both, draw man from woman self.