Wednesday, March 27, 2013

repudium

Is it wicked to hope that you, like me,
can no longer see?
To wish this ailment upon you, from which I suffer?
      What do you see?
You've left, and since,
my
vision's weakened.
 I no longer
                                             recognize myself,
the colors blurred.
Thanks to
                                                               you,
my skin is jumpy, my breath
less steady.
I'm peeling.
Thanks
to you,
my hearing is far too keen,
and my mouth is dry.
I'm empty
like the dusty
vase
    stored, high on the top
     shelf of the closet
                  that is now all mine.
                          I've kept it too
                                      long.
You left, but your power stayed, and so
how
can I rightly know myself?
                                 You've stolen words and time,
and for weeks and weeks,
I've stifled
screams
stuffed
with all enigma.
           
        All lack.
Everything's gone, returned and turned away.
                                                                   Your face draws nothing, nor
                                                                                   does mine,
blank,
                                                                                                    bereft of essence.
The shape of behind
won't fill
pages,
and I wait for God knows what.
             The lemons have over-ripened here,
to fat
and freakish-
       fair-worthy.  They pummel themselves, greedy
       for attention
          onto
               the porch roof, and I start
                  every single time.  It's like that- constant
                                                                     catching,
                                                                         the nerves, taut and pissed, restive.  So, look
                                                                                            again,
                                                                                             at me,
at you,
grasp
for impression.
I hope your reflection
        reveals the trauma
of singularity, and
when you smile it cracks.
No...
really, I only want my certainty back, the purpose.  I want
                               a life undivided.
                                 I want to
know
       where it goes from here,
and how I've come so far.

the mag

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