Sunday, May 6, 2012
Really, what can I say but,
Thank you? Honestly. Because there was enough felt
love ( if not real – and who’s to say?)
for a time, to
get me away.
And if it
was going to happen later, I’m glad it happened sooner.
So, thank you.
Maybe I ought not reveal much
more (though I often can’t keep silent) because
who am I to debate or fight or plead? And what would
I be pleading for? There are truths all
though I believe there’s a difference between opinion and
conviction, we all in the
end have to choose what
for us. And I’m trying not
to be angry cause I see how fruitless that really is
and I’m trying not to
guess at how you must have
seen me cause turns out I
saw you all wrong, too.
words are not for you.
but for me – to remind me later
of my strength
and the fact
that a heart can break but
pounding. And there’s a bigger purpose. I no longer
long for less than what I have. It’s not about ideal. It’s about
that on a certain level, I won’t and can’t because vow or not,
a man is called but if he
heeds it not a woman will.
So I have.
I’m stating now
that it’s not
okay, by me – and that’s okay. But for the record, I never
saving – only staying
and your reasons are yours
and mine are mine. At thirty-three
I’m dying now to self,
finally and I’m ceasing the impossible
of meeting Jesus in a fallen man. I don’t need to crucify you
for what you could not give and why bother with
that yearning when I am already
loved. I was bought with a price and belong to only he who
thought of me above all.
So…much obliged that you fed me when I was starving.
I see, we’ve both had
our fill of any ephemeral delicacy
and objects in the mirror -
are now behind me.
true image is within.
I’m pleased I could entertain you, let you play your role
and I played mine and though I wasn’t acting, I learned
to let the curtain close.
I’m done with all high
drama, ready to
the romance offered long ago.
And in the finale, you know
is over? That need for you to understand. I don’t care what you
think and I mean that in only the nicest possible way.
If actions speak
louder than words, yours have released me and I don’t want
need an explanation. I want
to walk away, head held
high, in honor, dignity and
What will be will be and I will now be still but later if you hear me
know I laugh at me and not at you because what else am I going to
do? It’s true-I’ve been flipping coins, of late,tossing ‘em with a
prayer, thinking that:
what else am I supposed to do? It’s all new but glorious, too.
Soon and very soon, they say and that soon is now the past.
The future’s where I’m focusing.
more than a decade in appeals, in making cases for my worth and
right. I am guilty but aren’t we all? And guilty or not, I’ve been set
free, ransomed, so you won’t find me banging on the prison door.
wedded to, too long, the notion that if I
was cherished properly, void of all suspicion, maybe I could be the
savior. Either way, that’s all mixed up.
So it’s not vain to fly now, ethereal at last, as long as I’ve
successfully let go
of earth. The higher I soar above what no
one in this calamity craved anyway, the
clearer my vision becomes.
I never fathomed
eagle like I was till I met you. Studiously, I studied and now have
I’m not a snob. I just don’t belong and want no more to
There’s a genuineness in this that
could not have been discovered in any other way,
which is why you’re
the villain nor even marked erroneous because you took it as far
as you could. That fact, once declared, that I could have
taken it further; there might lie the
must add that it did not go unnoticed, that yours you
gave from get
go and when I at last returned the
sentiment, you rescinded
would be a deception to suggest that it doesn’t somewhat
(considerably) sting (as close as we did eventually
stand)but I allowed the pittance, waded in it,
the offering, in trust and that permits me peace and
license now to swell from this horizontal standing ground
which only ever kept me down. I’m quickly
discarding any hint or
write. It’s therapeutic and who doesn’t have the right
to heal? I’m laying claim to making good on all allegiance
hereby non-observed. All you have left to do is continue tune
me out, turn me off. Done.
The counter-poison serves as balm
but in the end
I’ll die. So, my words,
no longer use as darts,
swallow all lingering resentments. I’m improving
“So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways.”
Whether I’ll find there’s more to say, I can not
say at present just
that I’m wrapping up for now
the exanimate phantasm
where I was – what?
and you were dashing, brave. I suppose a peace
in order and so
my resignation. I never was quite war-like enough
that’s for your sex and not mine. Doves depart
as you all search out, relentlessly, some unnamed and invisible
leave you to it and I have my thoughts but
those, I’ll leave to me. My
sings but one last note: I, after all,
that woman in the woods. For, I could
never, seven years after, hold a
coward as he made amends. God would and he’d forgive but I
would have boarded ship, and never would return.