Monday, September 12, 2011

Rewrite


The Write on Wednesday Rules: Get creative with the exercises. Don't worry too much about right or wrong. The aim is to Get Writing. Do try to visit the other writers linking up and leave a comment. You can grab the Write on Wednesday button from my sidebar.

Write on Wednesday Exercise 14 - The Mighty Mighty Rewrite...
Zanni: I did a workshop with literary author Mj Hyland, who teachers Masters in Creative Writing at Manchester University. She asked us to choose our favourite book, take the first paragraph and then write our own content into the paragraph, keeping the structure, tone, language etc. It's really helpful!

No time limit. Let's keep up the focus on making each word count. Ready? Set? Write!




Original:

By bedtime all the faces, the voices, had blurred for Charlotte to one face, one voice. She prepared herself for bed, very slowly and deliberately, cleaning her teeth with the new green toothbrush, undressing awkwardly because she did not like to hide herself in the washing-cubicle with her fellow new girl, Susannah; but she was on the other hand much too shy and strange to undress as openly as the other three, Vanessa, Janet, and Elizabeth.  Vanessa wandered about for ten minutes at least, in just her vest and navy blue school knickers.  She had freckles all over legs.  Charlotte had never seen anyone with freckled legs before.

Mine:

By bedtime all the faces, the voices had blurred for Charlotte to one face, one voice.  She prepared herself for bed, very slowly and deliberately, but struggled to keep her heavy eyes open as she cleaned her teeth with the new green toothbrush, undressing awkwardly because she did not like to hide herself in the washing-cubicle with her fellow new girl, Susannah; instead she changed into her nightie in the open room but with her front to the wall for  she was much too shy and strange to undress as openly as the other three, Vanessa, Janet, and Elizabeth.  Vanessa wandered about for ten minutes at least, in just her vest and navy blue school knickers.  She had freckles all over legs.  Freckles all over her arms and face, as well.  Charlotte had never seen anyone with freckled legs before.  Charlotte tried not to stare.

(From Charlotte Sometimes by Penelope Farmer.  My favorite book as a child.)


Write On Wednesdays

15 comments:

  1. I like the subtle changes you made, I really felt her awkwardness. I may have to track this one down, it sounds like the kind of book my daughter would love.

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  2. This is really good, I like that last line "charlotte tried not to stare" very fitting for a young child.

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  3. Thanks. This was a hard assignment. :) Sarah, it's a great book, time travel and fantasy. The author is Penelope Farmer. I think it may be out of print but definitely worth tracking down.

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  4. Great job with this prompt. I could feel the discomfort the girl was feeling when she was staring at the other girl.
    Nice work!!

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  5. Another book to add to my list. I'd love to read more. Well done!

    Anne xx

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  6. *quickly hides her freckly arms and legs* hehehe, I really like that last line. Its so REAL.

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  7. I love how you've changed this, so gently and elegantly. This sounds like a great book, I'll have to read it too.

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  8. I agree with Lene. You did a great job with rewriting few lines, it makes your paragraph better than the original. Plus I think I'll also love the book, I have to read it too. Thanks for sharing.

    Smiles,


    Andy

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  9. I need to read this book. One of my favourite songs ever is Charlotte Sometimes by The Cure. I can hear the song when I read this. I like your rewrite-expands upon the original and makes Charlotte's discomfort even more vivid in my mind :)

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  10. I loved this book to as a child - I can still see the cover in my mind's eye. Good job expanding & enhancing the original.

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  11. asampler-I've never found anyone who's also read this. I read it multiple times when I was younger!

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  12. I haven't read this either but I would like to. Very subtle changes but it seems like you were thinking about what you were doing and studying the text. Great work and thanks for Writing on Wednesday

    Gill x

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  13. this is fabulous...


    You’ve got superb talent in creative writing,
    Keep it up.

    Please check out short story slam week 10 prompt today.

    It is great to write and entertain our children,
    Don’t you agree?

    Give it a try,
    Let your beautiful imagination fly.

    Best.
    Happy Autumn!
    xoxox

    it is cool to redo it and make it perfect and shiny.

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  14. You interpreted this exercise as I originally did - editing it as the original editor might have within their own style. I enjoyed the changes you made.

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